Feel Good Friday: How to Love a Sheep Without Going Up the Wall

This week I've been hard on the Sheep.

On Monday I called it emotional, whiny, clingy and needy. On Wednesday I said it can't plan and shouldn't be trusted near your bank account. So let me say this before someone's Sheep mother writes me a letter.

Sheep people can be really darling, sweet people. You probably have one. You may be married to one. You keep them around for a reason.

They can also drive you up the wall.

I'm the Firepig, and after more than 35 years of doing readings, I can tell you the trick with a Sheep isn't changing them. Nobody has managed it yet. The trick is knowing what they need and giving it to them before they have to ask four times. And with the Sheep year arriving February 6, this is a good skill to pick up now. Here are five ways to start.

1. Find What Lights Their Fire

The Sheep is a fire sign, but it doesn't always light itself. Sheep people often need something to get them going. It can look like a lack of motivation, and sometimes it is.

So stop asking why they aren't excited about the thing you're excited about. Find out what gets them excited. There's fire in there. You may just be holding the wrong match.

2. Give a Push, Not a Shove

I don't want to say Sheep people are lazy. They're just not go-getters by nature. Left alone, a Sheep can go on thinking about doing something for quite a while.

A little push helps. Offer to go with them. Pick a day. Say "let's." Tend the garden with them instead of standing at the fence pointing out the weeds.

3. Don't Preach. Let Them Find Their Own Confidence.

This one is the hardest, especially if you're the logical type with a lot of good advice.

When you deal with a Sheep person, you have to help them with their confidence. I don't mean preach to them. A lecture on believing in yourself goes over about as well as you'd expect. You want them to come away feeling they gained that confidence on their own.

Notice something they did well and say so, in plain words. Ask what they think before you tell them what you think. Then let them have the credit.

4. Be the Shoulder, Even When It Makes No Sense

A Sheep always tends to need a shoulder to lean on. Here's the part that will test you: even when they know exactly what they're doing, even when they're perfectly competent, they still want to lean on you.

You'll be tempted to say, "You don't need me for this." You're right. They don't. They want you anyway. Lend the shoulder. It costs you five minutes, and it's probably what the whole conversation was about.

5. Figure Out What They Actually Need

Sensitive people don't always say what's wrong. Sometimes what comes out is the whining, and the whining isn't really about the dishes.

Show some empathy and try to work out what they need emotionally. Most of the time it's smaller than you fear. And I'll be honest with you: they can be draining. You're allowed to notice that. Loving a Sheep doesn't mean you can never go for a walk.

The Weekend Challenge

Pick one person in your life. A Sheep, or just someone who's been leaning on you lately. Choose one of the five and do it once before Monday.

Light a little fire. Give one small push. Hold back one lecture. Lend the shoulder without pointing out that they don't need it.

Then watch what happens. I think you'll find the sweetness comes back pretty quickly. Next year a lot more people are going to need this from you, so you might as well get good at it.

Who's your Sheep? I'd love to hear which one you picked.

And if you'd like to know how you and the people closest to you are going to get along when the Sheep year arrives, a personal reading is the place to look. The way I think about all of this is in The Mahjong Mirror.